


Something to believe in

by Saffiaan



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon Era, F/M, Fluff, Maybe I don't know I'm not a proffesional, One Shot Collection, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sonyakhov, Sonyakhov has a kid now, these two deserve happiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-05-16 11:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffiaan/pseuds/Saffiaan
Summary: My collection of Sonyakhov one shots. Because these two are amazing and there isn't enough content for them.





	1. I ached when you cried

**Author's Note:**

> Here is to my attempt at writing more often! This is named after the song from newsies, which you absolutely should listen to if you haven't yet. (It's such a Sonyakhov song, fight me on this.)

It probably wasn’t entirely appropriate when Sonya asked Fedya to stay the night. Probably? It wasn’t appropriate. They had grown to be close, though how close exactly, Sonya didn’t know. Neither ‘friends’ nor ‘lovers’ seemed like the right term. But whatever was the right term, the request hadn’t been proper. However, Fedya had never cared much for what was appropriate and what wasn’t, and Sonya was a bit unwell. So, he had agreed to stay and they had fallen asleep together. He on top of the sheets, she under them.

When Sonya awoke, she had no idea what time it was or what had woken her up. It certainly wasn’t anywhere near morning yet, as the curtains didn’t let any light through. She was about to lay back down when she could hear murmuring from next to her. She looked down at Fedya, still vast asleep despite his talking. But he lay turned away from her, so she couldn’t see his face or hear what he was saying. She was about to lay back down, when she noticed his hand clenching the sheets.  
“Fedya?” she whispered softly. If he had a nightmare, she should wake him up, right? However, her whispering didn’t appear to make much of a difference, even when she repeated it a few times. She bit her lip and looked at the hand clenching the sheets.  
“Fedya?” she said again, gently touching his wrist. Now this did provoke a reaction, even when it wasn’t at all what Sonya had expected. Fedya shot up, grabbing her wrist so firm it hurt. His eyes as they turned to look at her were wide, wild and filled with something else, something Sonya couldn’t quite identify.

“Sonya?”

The voice that broke the silence wasn’t anything she had heard from Fedya before. It sounded so _lost._ He still held her wrist in a firm grip but didn’t seem to be aware of it. Neither was she, not really. She was too busy searching for that one thing that was off, so terribly off about his face. And then she saw it. Something glimmering in the corner of his eyes. Wetness on his cheeks. Had he been crying? Sonya had never seen him cry before. And now that she thought about it, she had never really seen him sad before either. Angry and bitter, absolutely. Not sad.

Suddenly the little bubble that had seemed to have formed around them, burst and Fedya let go from her, moving back. Seemingly out of nothing, his breathing increased, and Sonya could see the muscles rippling under the bare skin of his forearms. She went to move closer to him, but noticed how he only seemed to tense up at that.

“You’re okay,” she hushed, holding out a hand to him even if she didn’t know how that was supposed to help. “Fedya, you’re okay, it was only a nightmare.” Though Sonya couldn’t imagine what kind of nightmare would cause this reaction. “You’re okay.”

Before she realised what had happened, two hands had grabbed her by the arms and suddenly they were in a hug. Though it could barely be called a hug. Fedya was _clinging_ to her as if he were afraid to drown otherwise. She carefully wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back as she had seen Natalya do to Natasha when they were younger. Sonya could feel Fedya’s shaky breath against her neck, his fingers twisted in the fabric of her nightgown and his body shaking against hers. If she was honest, it was a bit terrifying. If only because she didn’t know what to do or how to help.

But, eventually his breathing steadied, his fingers loosened their grip and his body stopped shaking. They sat there for a while until eventually, Sonya carefully pried herself loose from the embrace. She looked at him for a few seconds, a dozen questions at the tip of her tongue, but she knew she shouldn’t ask them. Not now. Not when he had no means to defend himself. So she just said: “Let’s go back to sleep.” And they did just that. He on top of the sheets, she under them. Hands entwined between them.

●◦○◦●◦○◦●

When Sonya woke up the next morning, the first thing she noticed was that her hand was empty. The second thing was that she was the only one occupying the bed at that moment. She sat up and as soon as the blankets slid from her upper body, she could feel how cold it was in the room. This was of course not completely unusual, considering the fact that she still lived in Russia and it _was_ winter. However, this was quite a bit worse than normal. She looked around the room and soon found the source of the cold. An open window. She probably would have been annoyed if it wasn’t for the fact that Fedya was sitting in the windowsill, one leg on the other side by the looks of it.

Sonya swung her legs over the edge of the bed, sliding her feet into her slippers so she wouldn’t have to touch the cold floor. She grabbed her dressing gown and tied it around her as she made her way over to the window. Fedya hadn’t looked up at all, but she knew by now he had heard her wake up. So without announcing her presence, she sat down on the window seat, looking up at him.

After a little while it became clear Fedya wasn’t going to say anything, so she sighed and asked: “Fedya, what happened last night?” Now he did look at her, with a look in his eyes she couldn’t quite place.

“It was just a nightmare, like you said,” Fedya said, shrugging. Sonya couldn’t really help the disbelieving expression that worked itself on her face. She knew Fedya wasn’t exactly the person to talk about emotions and nightmares, but he should have realised that wasn’t going to be a sufficient answer. And judging by his expression, he had realised that.

“Look, it’s nothing,” he said and he continued before she even had the chance to protest. “They’re just dreams. I’ve had them since I came back from the war and yes, they suck, but they’re just _dreams_. You shouldn’t worry about it, really.” Sonya looked down at her hands which were clasped in her lap. When he said it like that, it was easy to believe that this indeed wasn’t something anyone should worry about. However, Sonya couldn’t shake the memory of him clinging to her. Yes, they were dreams, but they weren’t _just_ dreams. These were nightmares beyond anything Sonya could imagine.

“Are they dreams or are they memories?” Sonya asked quietly, looking up in his surprised eyes. For a little while she thought he wouldn’t answer, but eventually he opened his mouth and said: “Memories, for the most part. Twisted, usually. Or faces are replaced. But yeah, they’re memories.” He looked away from her, to the snow that was falling outside. Fedya didn’t like to talk much about the war. She had discovered rather quickly that the most he did was confirm the stories that others were already telling. She had never quite understood why, but it all made more sense now. Without saying a word, she took his hand in both of hers. Together they watched the snow fall until the sun had risen and the day had properly begun.


	2. Children running down the sand to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonya enjoys the company of her husband, child and cousin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I ship Andrey and Natasha and not Pierre and Natasha. So let's all just pretend Andrey didn't die and forgave Natasha and they got married.  
> Secondly, I prefer BBC Sonya over Comet Sonya, so that's why her kid has brown hair.

It was a bright and warm spring morning. The house that Sonya and Fedya had moved into after their marriage was filled with the light that poured through the open windows. What poured through the windows as well, was the sound of a child’s laughter. Outside, a young girl who had not that long ago discovered running, was doing exactly that. Running to the bushes to pick a flower and run back to her father, who was seated in the grass, to hand him the flower. The pile of flowers in front of Fedya was growing steadily and someone should probably tell little Katinka to stop picking them or else the bushes would grow bare. But she was laughing and the fate of the bushes didn’t really matter anymore.

 

Sonya was standing in the kitchen, looking at the two outside. Natasha sat at the table, telling a story Sonya was only half listening too. Something about Nikolushka playing tricks on Petya, Nathasha’s own child with Andrey. It was calm and good, so different from all the turmoil a few years ago. And Sonya felt happy. Happy as she watched her child play with her husband. Happy as she listened to her cousin talk as animatedly as she always used to, but with a newfound consideration and appreciation for others.

 

This was probably not a situation any of them had ever thought to find themselves in. In a small but cosy house, enjoying domestic life. Well, maybe Natasha would have, with her endless optimism. Though even Natasha had been surprised when Sonya had told her about her engagement with Fedya. Even more so when she had told her cousin she was pregnant. (Both events had resulted in Natasha practically hitting Fedya over the head, giving him all kinds of warnings and threats.) To be fair, Katinka hadn’t been planned, but was therefor not less welcomed. And just the scene Sonya was looking at now made every second of her difficult pregnancy absolutely worth it.

 

“Sonya, we are wasting good weather sitting inside like this,” said Natasha, who had no doubt noticed the source of her friend’s distraction. The girl stood up from her chair and without waiting for a reaction of any kind, took Sonya by the arm and dragged her outside.

 

They had barely gotten out of the house or a loud “Mama!” sounded through the air. Katinka came running to Sonya, her arms spread wide in front of her. Sonya picked up her daughter and set her on her hip. The little girl was giggling all the while, her brown hair almost completely undone from the two braids in had been in.

 

“Look!” she said and she held out a pink flower to Sonya. She didn’t wait for her mother to take it and instead put it in Sonya’s hair herself. She smiled widely, obviously satisfied with her present giving, and clapped in her hands. Sonya smiled back at the girl and adjusted the flower a bit so it wouldn’t fall down as soon as she’d start moving. “Thank you.” She gave Katinka a kiss on her head, which was cause for more giggles.

 

“Should I be jealous?” Fedya asked as he made their way towards the three. Sonya glanced past him at the small pile of flowers and raised a rather unimpressed eyebrow. She couldn’t help her lips curling up into a small smirk though. “You have a whole pile already. I think I should be the jealous one here.” Fedya laughed at that and held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, fair point.”

 

“I don’t see any flowers in your hair though,” Natasha said, a mischievous grin on her face, “you might want to do something about that.” Contrary to what everyone had expected and what initially had seemed the case, Natasha and Fedya had grown to be quite good friends. Sonya had already reluctantly accepted the surely awkward get togethers that would come with Fedya as her husband. After all, he wasn’t exactly well liked with anyone Sonya knew. And though for most people that opinion persisted, that wasn’t the case for Natasha. Of course, the two still disapproved of each other now and then, but they were able to ignore that. They didn’t argue and the hurtful remarks Sonya knew they were both very capable of of making, never came. Instead there was a lot of bickering like this. Harmless jokes and pestering.

 

It had even gone so far that Natasha and Sonya had convinced their husbands to at least try to get along. Which to everyone’s surprise had evolved from just a dinner with the four of them and civil talk to the two men going to the club together. No one really knew what had happened -which considering who was involved, was probably for the best- but the two had come back as friends.

 

“For some odd reason I don’t feel very inclined to do that,” Fedya replied to Natasha, a grin on his own face. “If only because I know you’d never shut up about it.” This earned him a look of fake, but nonetheless very real looking, offence from Natasha. “How dare you?” She looked ready to hit Fedya with a fan, if only she had one in her hand. Before either of them had the chance to say more, Sonya came in between.

 

“Alright, alright,” she laughed, which caused Katinka to giggle too, even if she had no idea what she was laughing about, “I have one child already, I am not in a desperate need for two more.” She realised the mistake in her choice of word’s a second to late and a second after Fedya and Natasha did. The two grins were now turned to her.

 

“So when you say you’re not in a  _ desperate _ need…,” Natasha began slowly. Fedya nodded and completed her thought: “That means there is a need. Do we need to talk?” Now it was Sonya’s turn to wish she had a fan to hit the man with. And her cousin too to be honest. But she had no fan, so instead she said: “Didn’t you say you were going to do the dishes before dinner? Because you’d better hurry up then.”

 

“I did,” Fedya said with a chuckle, once again echoed by Katinka. He kissed first the girl and then Sonya on the cheek before slipping inside.

 

“So he is actually of use,” Natasha mused after a few seconds of peaceful silence, “who would have thought?” She laughed and hooked an arm through one of Sonya’s. “Oh, I’m sorry, Sonyushka. I can’t help myself.” Sonya didn’t even attempt to give Natasha the sour look she had intended for her. It was too nice a day for that anyway. Instead she said: “You’re laughing now, but last week the kitchen was soaked because he let Katinka help with the dishes. And she just wanted to play with the bubbles.” This caused Natasha to break into a new fit of laughter, holding onto Sonya’s arm for support.

 

“Oh, how do you survive?” she managed to say in between her laughing. To which Sonya could only shake her head, smiling herself. “I have no idea.” She set Kalinka down on the ground again, so the girl could continue her running around and playing with the flowers. The answer was quite simple really. There was her husband inside who cared for her more than anyone else ever had. There was her sweet daughter running around the garden. There was her dear cousin and friend laughing at her side. No, it wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t have to be. It was beautiful all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, I am able to write pure fluff after all. Who would have thought?
> 
> Also, I was too impatient to wait until my amazing beta reader read this, so if you see any mistakes, don't hestitate to point them out!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas for future one shots!


End file.
